Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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