No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
