So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
