I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
