he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
