exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
