george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
