K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
