what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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