great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize