I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
