Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
