it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have demons in me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
