Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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