I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
