There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
