If i come over, it means nothing
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
