he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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