No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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