I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
