Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
