His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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