If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
