I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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