Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
