He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
