your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
