I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
