there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
