Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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