I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
