I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
