Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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