i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
