that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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