Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
