I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
