White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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