Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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