Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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