Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
