We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
