We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
