I feel great
I just peed on a car
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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