Got a toothbrush?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
