Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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