I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
