I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
