They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
