His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
