I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
