It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
