peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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