yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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