we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
