apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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