Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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