my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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