Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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