I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
