It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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