someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize