Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
