my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize