all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
