Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
