OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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