He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
