he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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