She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
