Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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