I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
