hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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