And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
