if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
